Stalked...

Wow, I haven't been here in a while, huh?  It's not that I've stopped working on getting (or staying) happy though.   I just learned a while back that my Stalker was stalking my blog pages.  That kind of made me lose my writing mojo for a while.  If you've ever been stalked, you certainly understand how having your "special someone" hoovering over your shoulder can put a cramp in your style.

But, here I am again, frankly feeling a little down today.  It is August.  My least favorite month of the year, since about 2 years ago when my close friend died on August 27.  It's hard to explain how losing someone the way we lost him sends ripples through your life, even years later, but in the oppressive heat of this summer, the ripples feel more like waves, heat waves of emotion.  It's mostly anger these days, mingled with sadness and still that nagging sense of needing so badly to understand it on some level.

I know though, that we aren't meant to understand everything that takes place in life.  My mind completely grasps the senselessness of suicide, but my heart still struggles with it.




So, in my effort to keep my joy in life securely intact, I've decided to focus on all the good things I still have in my life because I had Goose in my life at one time.  Today, I'm feeling thankful for all the friends I have now because of my friendship with Joey.  The crazy Friday Night people, Kato, Delane, and all those nuts--and my recent friendship with James, who I think is a really cool guy.  And of course, Stephanie and Reid, who remind me always of where Goose's heart always was, even in those times when he wasn't able to show it.

No one passes through your life and leaves you unchanged.  For all the hurt I've felt, all the grief I have endured because of this loss, I have people and places and memories that I will forever be thankful.

What do you think of that, Mr. Stalker?