"I'm Just Saying...."

You've likely been on the other side of the phrase before.  You're in a conversation with someone, usually about one of those "touchy" subjects, when the person before you makes a bold, inappropriate, or controversial statement and then ends their exclamation with "I'm just saying."

Obviously, they're "just saying" because they just said it.

It's a phrase that really gets under my skin for some reason.  Perhaps because the phrase is always left dangling there in the air with no further explanation of exactly what the person meant by what they "just said."

Here's a recent example from my own life that I overheard in a conversation between two clients regarding race.  I'll use fake names:

Louise: "I think we aught to love everyone and treat everyone the same no matter what color they are.  I believe God created us all and he loves us all and has commanded us to love one another.  Why does our church send missionaries to other countries to bring the Gospel to people of other races?  They'll be in Heaven with us, so why don't we treat them like part of God's family here on Earth?"

Bubba: "That's true. That's true, you're right. But they don't always treat us very well.  I don't have a problem with blacks really; long as they stay in their place.  Now I believe God loves em and all, I'm just saying...."

Louise: Drops the conversation realizing she's talking to a racist with whom she'd rather not engage in a debate at a party in a room full of people.


In my own head, whenever I hear this phrase, I tend to finish it for the other person.

"...Now I believe God loves em and all, I'm just saying I'm a racist and I'm letting you know that loud and clear."

Truth is, whenever you use that phrase, and in whatever context you use it, the person to whom you're speaking probably finishes the phrase for you in his/her head.

Usually I hear this phrase tagged onto the end of a sentence that was either racist, judgmental, or just downright unkind towards another person or persons.  So in the interest of helping those folks who "just say" all the time, I thought I'd help clarify some of their most commonly "just said" comments.

"She's got a pretty face, but she could stand to lose a few pounds...I'm just saying I don't like myself very much so I need to put other people down in order to feel better about my own weight problems."

"She's a hard worker, but she doesn't always follow through on things very well.  I think if she spent as much time on her job as she spent on her hair and makeup she would do better at work. I'm just saying that I'm insecure about my own job performance and my appearance and I need to draw attention to myself by minimizing the work performance and appearance of others in order to elevate myself in the eyes of my boss."

"If that were my kid I'd give him a good spanking and show him who is boss!" I'm just saying that my own kids sometimes misbehave as well and I have no patience or no clue how to handle their behavior other than to whop them upside the head.  I think if everyone else did things my way children would never misbehave.

"I can't believe she had an iphone and was paying for her food with a food stamp card!  And did you see the crap she was buying?  Donuts, and cereal and soda!  I understand that people sometimes need help buying food but they shouldn't be allowed to have a better phone (house, car, clothes, etc) than me when I'm paying my hard earned money for my groceries! I'm just saying that people who are poor (or even having temporary financial hardships) do not deserve to have nice things.  If they were more like ME they wouldn't be in that situation to begin with.  Poor people should live without any type of luxury, or enjoyment in life and their children don't even deserve to have sweet treats now and then.  Don't they realize they're poor and poor people are supposed to be miserable???

Look, I could go on and on with examples, but I don't need to.  If you are one of "those" people who uses this phrase on a regular basis, you should know that when you add that "I'm just saying" to the end of a sentence, you're telling more about yourself than about the subject at hand; and what you're telling about yourself isn't nearly as good as you think it is.

Maybe you think you're just speaking the truth?  Maybe you think you're saying something that no one else has the balls to say out loud.  Or maybe, just maybe you're a jerk.

Stay tuned for my next rant about people who refer to themselves as being "Brutally Honest."

I'm just saying...