Not So Attractive Woman Seeks Slightly Better Than Average Man

So, over the last few years, my life has seen more changes than I could even begin to list...One of those changes has been my "relationship status" or lack thereof. I haven't been very concerned about changing that, as it turns out, although for a while I thought I was. I played at a relationship with this one guy for about a year until I finally gave up in resignation, understanding that he was never going to "be ready." I should have asked myself if I was ready and I could have saved myself a year of effort! Ok...so yeah, I was in a "relationship" with a dude who lives 50 miles away, has 4 kids, works 3rd shift, and is afraid of his own shadow and prefers whining about the way things are to actually doing something constructive to make things better-- and I was ok with that.  Really, I was quite content most of the time.  But then I  finally figured out that I didn't need to be in a crappy excuse for a relationship to be deprived of a sex-life.   Anyway, you're right if you're thinking that anyone who would believe that kind of relationship is a good one has some issues.

Match.com has helped me realize my fear of committment and my hesitance to get "involved." I've gone one lots of dates lately, dates with skinny men, fat men, bald men, young men, old men, smart men, sexy men, yet I have absolutely no interest in getting serious with any of them.

I haven't gone out with any stupid men, but I know they're out there. All you have to do is read their profiles to know they aren't very bright.   Check out this profile that I copied and pasted just moments ago:

"As for me. I was born 4/12, /1974.I am looking for relationship with a womanI think relationship between man and women is most important to me.Landscaping I don't work till the fall get $20.00 hours I wood like to get married. I don't have any children I wood like to have my own family to I do like kids I wood like to have 3 made be:) .I dont drink. But I do drink tea and diet coke that bout it . I am 59" weight 174bl I am 36 years old I am from Orlando fl now live in Greenville SC. my hobby are like RC gas cars, Surfing.and facbook I do have a Brother and a Sister law they have their own family to boys. Friends I have two friends one in noway and one in Australia I do call to see how they are my full name is **** ***** if you got Facebook I am on it all day my name is ********. I hat my picture but I do have picture of me I have blonde hair and green eyes. O I live in the us. That it. The end"

Now don't get me wrong, I think that a relationship between a man and A WOMAN is important...but I draw the line when the man I'm with wants to get other women involved! And Dude, I know you're a landscaper, but WOULD you please try to use the correct form of this important auxilliary verb? Wait...he probably doesn't know what auxilliary means...anyway, spelling aside, where are the periods at the end of sentences?  He wants to have three kids made...I wonder if he knows how that whole thing works? Do his brother and sister-law have two kids or do they also have kids? I've heard of guys bragging about "size" but seriously dude, you expect me to believe it's 59 inches?  The poor dude only has two friends in the whole world and one lives in Austrailia and the other in, wait, did he say Noway?  Where the hell is Noway? And why did he hat his picture? Oh, he means Hate....O and by the way he lives in us. Kind of like Jesus, I guess?

Worse than the dumb guys, are the unattractive men who *think* they are hot. Many of them have picture of themselves shirtless, which I must say, is tasteless even for a guy with a smooth chest and ripped abs. Seriously, if we hit it off, I'm not going to be looking across the dinner table at your torso every evening, now am I? I want to know that you have all your teeth, whether or not you're bald (so lose the baseball cap) and whether I personally, find your facial features appealing. If I like what's above your shoulders, chances are, I'll have a chance to check out the rest later, if ya know what I mean...Here are some chests and other profile photos that make me go, "huh?" from Match.com:

I don't know if I can get into trouble for this or not...so I'm going to post these pics...If someone complains, I'll take them down...


"I feel pretty."



"I drowned my last date in the bathtub."



Um...Fighting Forest Fires?









                                                                                                 





"I hung this panelling myself."

"My back is sexy too!"









Do I hear banjos?



"Will you drive me home?"



"You want me to be happy about this?"





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"Duuudee!  A Zombie totally ate his brain!!!"







 



"I'm so sexy I give myself a headache..."



"You seen my shirt, babe?"



Its a Profile Picture...not a "Profile" picture...



"I just stand around like this all day."



"You see how far I can reach? You're never getting away from me!!!!"



"You got it baby, I'm the king of this trailer park..."





"I look like Ben Afleck when I put my hand up like this."







He's livin' hard...but not for long...



Ok...maybe it's not the picture that's the problem here...



"I wear my sun glasses at night, but I NEVER wear a shirt, dammit!"



"I'm not wearing pants, either..."

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....Whew...that was fun, but it took a long time...I guess I better go do some real work now.  I'll write more later about what men seem to be looking for (or NOT looking for) in a potential mate...

Meanwhile, enjoy this picture....









"Hang on Baby, I'm comin'!!"

Ok, ok...I confess.  The picture above didn't come from Match.com.  I took it from my friend's FB page.  After all, I wouldn't have written this little blog today if I hadn't been texting him last night and forwarding him all the creepy emails I get from Match.com members lately. He's a really good guy, and not the least bit creepy and I've yet to see a picture of him anywhere without his shirt on...Believe me, I've looked for one! (there I go being creepy) Anyway, here's the email I shared with him last night: 



(Keep in mind that I have never spoken to this person before, ever.)
Received: May 25, 2011

"I would adore you like no other could. I challenge you to test that. My fiancé loved me soooooooo much because I adored being with her and fixed her hair in the morning on weekends. She found out she had breast cancer so we did the radiation and kemo thing and it didn't help at all. When the doctor told her she had a year to live she loved me so much she left cause she couldn't stand the pain on my face I felt for her. I'm not conceded but I know I'm a catch because my last love showed me I was. Sad story but true. Saddest thing is she's 3-."



Aw, I kind a feel bad for the guy having lost his finace and all...but seriously, does my hair look so bad that he thinks I'd need him to fix it for me? Ever?  And there is such a thing is too much information too soon...This one is definatley CREEPERS!  I wonder if you can guess which picture above goes with this email??

One of the strangest ones I got has already been deleted, but in it, the much-older man tried to grab my attention by telling me a midieval tale of knights and castles and kings and  horses...He even said my red hair and turquoise necklace were "beacons indeed."  Creepy.

Some guys try to be witty.  They google my screen name: "Cinnamon Girl"   and then copy and paste the lyrics to the song in an email, as if I've never heard the song...or maybe they think if they send me the lyrics, I'll believe they actually know who Neil Young is?  One guy actually asked me if I knew Neil Young wrote a song, "about me."  Thinking he was being charming, I responded that it seems as though Neil has written a bunch of songs about me.  His response?  Explaining to me who Neil Young is and that it would be super cool if that were really where I came up with my screen name....Ugh...

It's all entertainment, right?

I'm on my way out the door to dinner with some friends, but I'm not finished here...There's so much more I can tell you!