In The News

Once in a while I get the urge to rant a little about stuff I keep reading in the news.  Lately a few scenarios concerning parents and children seem to keep replaying themselves in the headlines.  First of all, the seemingly more common phenomenon of parents who "forget" they have a kid in the back seat of their cars and go in to work all day without ever having that "oh crap!" moment of realizing they forgot to drop the little one off at daycare.  Secondly, the ever-growing problem of DSS (and other similar agencies in other states) overstepping their bounds in some cases while completely dropping the ball in others.  It seems to me that in both cases, most people are quick to find a stance, either condemning or defending the actions of the parents involved.  The problem that I see in the responses of most folks is their lack of consideration for the reasons behind the actions of parents, which in nearly every case are different.  We can't really come to solid conclusions on whether or not a parent was neglectful unless we know the motivation behind their actions in every circumstance.

Everyone knows the story of Justin Harris, the Georgia dad who left his son Cooper in his hot car all day while he worked and everyone remembers the first time a story like this hit the headlines a few years ago.  On some level, every parent can identify with this happening.  We all know how hectic the our mornings can get and how easy it is to operate on auto-pilot sometimes.  Some would even argue that the simple change in routine, from mom dropping the baby off at daycare, to dad dropping the baby off just that one time, is enough to throw a parent off track.  We have all driven down the road with our minds somewhere else while a little one sleeps, oblivious to our worries, in the back seat.  I remember after I had Charlie, it had been so long since we had a baby around that I actually dropped off my two daughters a couple of mornings and headed to work without dropping the him off with the sitter.  I didn't get far though, before a thought of my sweet baby popped into my head and I turned back towards Maria's house to drop him off.  So, yeah, I can sympathize with a parent who drives all the way to work with a baby in the back seat.  I can even understand up to the point that mom or dad gets out of the car and starts to walk in to the building.  What I don't get, is how anyone can go for 8 hours or more without remembering their kid is still sitting in the car.  In Justin Harris' case, we can be pretty sure Cooper wasn't exactly forgotten.  His dad went to the car at lunchtime to leave something in the seat.  How would he not have noticed the baby then?  Harris seems to be a father who was feeling trapped in his marriage, sexting other women all day while his wife worked and his little boy died a torturous death just outside his office in the family car.

What the hell is wrong with our country when we are so stressed, over-stimulated and distracted that some parents legitimately FORGET they have kids in the car with them and work all day without ever remembering that they didn't drop off the baby at daycare?   Is technology to blame?  Are we so busy texting, checking Facebook, Tweeting and returning phone calls that we have forgotten what is really important?  Are our jobs so stressful and all-consuming that for the whole 8 hours we are at work every day, we don't have a second to think of anything else?  The nation has so identified with these parents that our outpouring of sympathy and support for them has seemingly lead to a whole other group of people who decide, for whatever reason, they need to get rid of their child and that leaving them in a hot car is the best way to go about the task.  They see other parents getting support from the public and getting little to no legal consequences, so why wouldn't they think the hot car method is a good idea?

Last week there was a local story about a man who left his infant in the car at a Goodwill here in Greenville.  He apparently went back to his car after going into the store and tried to pretend the baby was missing, but a Goodwill employee heard the baby crying from inside the car and called the dad on his BS.  The dad handed the hot, sweaty vomit-covered baby to the Goodwill employee and someone called the police.  Now it seems like we are hearing variations of this story every few days from somewhere in the country.

My point is, whether it is done on purpose or not, any parent who leaves a child in a hot car all day from this point forward needs to face some pretty stiff consequences.  Lots of parents make mistakes every day--some of them neglectful in nature.  Most, as attested by the many DSS stories in the news, get punished for those mistakes whether or not the parents had malicious intent.  I think the best way to stop the hot car deaths of children is to hold parents responsible.  Seriously, you have children now and it's your job to remember to take care of them.  What if I didn't feed my child all week because I was just so busy and distracted by life that I forgot?  I see no difference in the two scenarios.  They are both self-absorbed, neglectful behaviors that end up harming the little ones who are counting on us to care for them.  Maybe I'm being to rigid in my beliefs here, but I think it's pretty pathetic when we have to come up with inventions like a rope across the door of our cars to remind us that we have a child in the back seat when remembering our children should be first and foremost on our minds in the first place.  It's sad to me that we live in a world with such mixed up priorities and technologically distracted parents who are so stressed out by their jobs that they forget the very reason they work so hard.

In another story today I read about a Georgia mom who was arrested because she left her 9 year old daughter to play alone at a park all day while she was at work.  At face value, it looks pretty irresponsible, but the rest of the story makes it a little easier to empathize with this mom.  First of all, she works at McDonald's.  The same McDonald's that is directly in front of the park where her daughter plays.  The child said that she goes to McDonald's for lunch--the same McDonald's where her mom works.  She had previously been going to work with her mom and playing on an iPad all day, but the iPad broke and mom couldn't afford to replace it.  The kid begged mom to let her play at the park during the day instead of sitting bored out of her mind in McDonald's while her mom worked.

Maybe this mom made a poor decision, but the way I see it, more of the blame for her situation lies with McDonald's than it does with the family.  McDonald's is one of the lowest paying employers in the country, despite their massive profits and super-wealthy executives, their employers rarely make a liveable wage.  Some have cried that daycare is too expensive, that there's no excuse for leaving  9 year old alone in a park all day, or that the mom could have gotten public assistance to pay for daycare, but I see very few who will speak out and place the blame squarely where it belongs:  On the company who doesn't pay a single mom enough to protect and care for her child.  Now DSS has the 9 year old child and who knows what kind of foster home she will end up in while they make her mother prove she is worthy enough to raise her.  This is a mom who works and tries to provide for her kid.  She didn't "forget" her in a hot car.  I understand the stress of not being able to find a baby sitter.  I know the struggle of trying to bring a kid to work with me every day.  I remember what it was like when my girls were 9 years old and constantly trying to convince me they didn't need to be looked after all the time anymore. I'm not saying that this mom did the safest thing, but I am saying I identify with her the way many people identify with the parents who have forgotten their babies in the car all day.  I believe she was doing the best she knew how to do considering her circumstances.  So where is the public outcry of support for this mother who made the unfortunate mistake of thinking her daughter was safe and happy playing at a park all day instead of staring at the walls in a McDonald's all day?  If she had left her kid in the car all day--forbade her to get out and let her suffer in the heat, would the public be rallying around her for forgetting her kid for 8 hours?

Meanwhile in a situation close to me, I am witnessing DSS take a completely irresponsible stance concerning an autistic child who needs placement in a safe environment.  He was being raised by his grandmother, who after testing positive for methamphetamine, temporarily lost custody.  DSS always looks for a family member first, who can take a child who is being removed from it's custodial parents. In this case, there are no family members who are healthy and physically able to give him the kind of care he needs, yet DSS has guilted a family member who is physically ill to care for him by telling her that "There's no one else."  It is their JOB to make sure there is proper placement for this child, but they insist that he must stay with a grand-aunt who is sick and physically over-stressed already from caring for her aging parents.  This child needs placement in a home with physically capable adults who have the time and ability to give him the care and attention he deserves.  The main concern of DSS is that they don't have to work hard to appropriately place him with the right family until his grandmother can prove to them that she is capable of staying clean and taking good care of him.  I for one, am sick and tired of hearing about how understaffed and under budgeted our state's DSS is.  I'm tired of reading stories about kids who were taken from dirty houses, and turning the next page to see that another child died because DSS refused to take action on a report of abuse.  As it stands now in SC, DSS only takes seriously the accusations of abuse made by health or mental health professionals, and teachers.  If you call them about someone you know who is abusing a child, they will take your report, but in all likelihood, they will never follow up.  They say they are not staffed well enough to investigate every complaint, while Nikki Haley encourages them to avoid recording information on certain cases in order to make our state's statistics look as though they've improved under her leadership.  We are really in trouble as a state, when our one agency that is supposed to help look out for the safety and rights of our children has been corrupted from the very top.

I know my opinions probably differ a lot from the generally accepted points of view out there, but I've been mulling these thoughts over in my head for days now, and these are the only rational responses I have for any of the current headlines.  I'd love to know what everyone else things about these things, so feel free to comment if you have something to add.