Go Fund Me

Over the last couple of days I've received donations on my Go Fund Me site from people I don't really know.  It's sort of unsettling that so many people are reading my thoughts and getting to know me so personally--personally enough to want to send me money to help pay for a new kidney.  

I just want to say thanks to all of them, and to all the people who haven't been able to give financially but who have shared my story with others.  I'm so aware that many other people in the world are suffering and in need of help right now, therefore I am even more humbled and grateful for your thoughtfulness and generosity.

My life is a bumpy road right now.  Nearly everything is uncertain, from my living situation to whether or not the lights stay on next month....Will I get a transplant?  Will I find a job?  Will I forever be alone?

As human beings, we love certainty.  We love knowing our cars are going to start when we turn the keys, we love knowing the lights are going to come on when we flip a switch.  We take for granted that our hearts will keep beating and our organs will keep working until we have done all those things in life we want to do.  When everything is uncertain though, you are a like that white feather in the wind at the beginning of Forrest Gump.  Blown here and there, going with the flow, letting life happen to you to some degree, rather than making things happen.  It isn't that I'm not trying to make things happen, it's just that they aren't happening yet.  Sooner or later, I'll have to settle down though, right?  Maybe I'll figure some things out and be able to have something of a "normal" life--normal for me anyway.  Maybe someday, something will again be certain.

Maybe my disease is a gift.  Maybe it's a chance to start over again.  Right now it feels as if I'm loosing everything, but maybe I'm gaining things I can't see yet.  Maybe.  I can only hope.