Robbery, Break Downs and Mayhem...

Some scum bag robbed my house this week.  I arrived home on Monday to find my television had been carefully disconnected and removed from my living room, my jewelry-box ransacked, my daughters room plundered and my guitar missing.  It was excitement all around, really.  Yes, to answer your next question, I did call the police, and No, to answer your second question, the doors were not left unlocked.  No, I don't know who did it, and no, the police seem to not really care whether they find out who did it.  My shit is just gone and there's nothing I can do to get it back.  But hey, it's just stuff, right?  At least I'm okay and my kids are okay.

This morning my car, which has been the thorn in my flesh for the last year or so, decided to try out a new trick as I left home to take my daughter to school.  It seems that it thinks itself too delicate to remain idling while at a stop unless I put it into park and rev the engine until the light turns green.  Okay, I'll play, but I'm leaving my kids safely at home so as not to run the risk of my persnickety car deciding to die, mid-left-turn and kill us all when a semi T-bones us.   At least this way, I will be the only dead person at the scene, should the car choke out its last breath at a critical moment in traffic.

I drove to the office in the most creative way ever, cutting through parking lots to avoid traffic lights and slow cars at 4 way stops, and slamming the car into park every time I was unfortunate enough to not have a parking lot to cut through at a traffic light.  I made it here, just barely and plopped down at my desk to catch my breath.  Okay, I might have had a few weak moments in the car when I cursed and cried a little out of frustration and stress overload...so sue me.

I want a job that pays me enough to take care of my family.  I know that means giving up on the dream here, but I'm at the point of realizing I can't do this alone.  Yes, there is a board of directors, and I have two partners.  The Board has done nothing to help further the mission here, and my partners are hardly ever here.  Why?  Because all these people have personal agendas, and their first priority is taking care of themselves and their families.  Mine has been to see this thing through and make it happen, often at the expense of my own well-being.  I believe that what we do here is important, but I'm understanding that others have to believe it too, or this is never going to work.  So, here is my paradigm shift (thanks for the cliche, Scott).

My new number one priority, maybe for the first time in my life, is me.  And by me, I mean me and my kids. I'm not saying fuck everyone else, I'm just saying...well, fuck everyone else.  I have to take care of myself and I have to take care of my kids.  I'm ready for a change and I'm about to make it happen.  Watch out world, here I come.

Am I happy today?  Hell no.  But at least I know where to start getting that way.

Stalked...

Wow, I haven't been here in a while, huh?  It's not that I've stopped working on getting (or staying) happy though.   I just learned a while back that my Stalker was stalking my blog pages.  That kind of made me lose my writing mojo for a while.  If you've ever been stalked, you certainly understand how having your "special someone" hoovering over your shoulder can put a cramp in your style.

But, here I am again, frankly feeling a little down today.  It is August.  My least favorite month of the year, since about 2 years ago when my close friend died on August 27.  It's hard to explain how losing someone the way we lost him sends ripples through your life, even years later, but in the oppressive heat of this summer, the ripples feel more like waves, heat waves of emotion.  It's mostly anger these days, mingled with sadness and still that nagging sense of needing so badly to understand it on some level.

I know though, that we aren't meant to understand everything that takes place in life.  My mind completely grasps the senselessness of suicide, but my heart still struggles with it.




So, in my effort to keep my joy in life securely intact, I've decided to focus on all the good things I still have in my life because I had Goose in my life at one time.  Today, I'm feeling thankful for all the friends I have now because of my friendship with Joey.  The crazy Friday Night people, Kato, Delane, and all those nuts--and my recent friendship with James, who I think is a really cool guy.  And of course, Stephanie and Reid, who remind me always of where Goose's heart always was, even in those times when he wasn't able to show it.

No one passes through your life and leaves you unchanged.  For all the hurt I've felt, all the grief I have endured because of this loss, I have people and places and memories that I will forever be thankful.

What do you think of that, Mr. Stalker?

Singing in the Car

My train of thought from yesterday gave me an idea, so I thought I'd continue with the theme and just say a little thanks to someone who remided me how much fun it is to sing while I'm driving down the road without a care for who might be watching me (or hearing me) and laughing. Turns out, he wasn't a good person for me AT ALL, and probably isn't really a "good match" for anyone, simply because he can't truly accept his own worth and looks to other people to give him acceptance...When he fails in his efforts to convince a woman to treat him like a god, he devalues her as much as he devalues himself. He taught me some important lessons, though, aside from singing in the car, and for the things I learned, I am also grateful. Grateful because I now understand more about myself and I am able to better discern what another person's motivation is in certain circumstances, and this, I believe, has saved me from a lot of heart-break. I hope you find the "you" underneath all the boasting and bragging, and really start to believe you are good enough, without someone else telling you so. I still think about you when I sing this song in the car, and it still makes me smile. Thanks for the lessons.

Real Profile, Fake Picture



Ok, so maybe I have too much time on my hands lately...I just had this idea today that it would be funny to match up random pictures of creepy guys with the dating profiles of pretty average normal guys.  The result?  Well, I think a creepy picture can creepy up anyone's dating profile quite a bit.  What do you think?

About him & Who he's looking for

What I long for is the company, the touch, the smell and the feel of a woman. A woman who wants to be with me, hold me and love me. I know your out there somewhere.  I want to hear you breath when I awake in the middle of the night. I want to hear you call me "Honey". To want to watch you watch me look at you and know we both know. To kiss and make love the way lovers do...spontanous, passionate, intimate.
Take my hand and lets take this walk together, one day at a time. Knowing that our brightest days are right out in front of us. Are you willing to take that walk with me?
Now tell me about you "Honey"...I want to listen, I want to love, I want to live!



 



     

Misheard Lyrics...

I'm pretty good with song lyrics...really, I am.  But for years, I really did think that in the song Brown Eyed Girl, they were saying "Going down on the old man with a transistor radio."  Obviously, I never conjured a mental picture of what I thought I was hearing, otherwise I would have figured out sooner that I was wrong about that line. 

I found out my error one day at work while killing time on a website called kissthisguy.com.  If you've never perused this website for a few chuckles, I'd encourage you to do so. 

And since I was brave enough to admit what I *thought* I was hearing in Brown Eyed Girl, maybe you can share some of your misheard lyrics too... Either way, this is some pretty darn funny stuff that's sure to make you giggle a little!  Look up your favorite song and see what kind of results you get!

Give this one a look too:

Misheard lyrics from Marcy Playground's 90's hit, Sex and Candy

Marcy Playground's Funniest Misheard Lyrics

1. Who's that casting Beefeater stares
   ...
2. Who's that casting Keith Richard stares ...
3. I smell sex in Candyland...
4. I sell sex and candy yeah...
5. I smell sex in the bathroom...
6. Who\'s that casting Keith Richard stares...
7. Who\'s that kissing? D.V.A. stares in m...
8. ...stares at my erection...
9. Ask me sex and candy here...

Good Parent?

If  you are a parent who is prone to laying guilt-trips on yourself for not doing everything just right , this video is for you.  I think as long as you aren't doing anything even remotely similar to the pictures in this video, you're probably doing an ok job.  So go hug your kids and give yourself a break!

Enjoy Your Memorial Day Weekend....

But don't forget your sunscreen...

People Of Walmart

Ok...I'm digressing from my rant about Match.com for a minute. Only because I saw this posted on FB this morning and it cracked me up. Also because I could rant about Wal-Mart shoppers all day long. It's not so much how they dress (although there is some great entertainment value there) for me, it's about the way they DRIVE! Yes, I said drive. Among other things...

Honestly, if one more housewife looking off to her left in fear of missing some great deal, bumps into me or runs over my kid one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions! Seriously people, it is a basic rule for any object (or person) in motion: WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

Then there are the ones who block the aisle in front of you and move sooooo slowly that you end up turning around and going back around the way you came, go all the way down the next aisle and then U turn back to the other end of the aisle you were previously in, where the same person is still standing in the same spot looking at the SAME BOTTLE OF SUAVE SHAMPOO, just so you can grab your own shampoo and head to over to the Feminine Hygiene section....

Where there is an incredibly hairy and creepy guy hanging out, pretending to look at reading glasses but really just watching you pick out your tampons.

So you grab your box of Tampax Pearl and head on over to the wine section, because after this trip, you're going to need to drink when you get home. But when you reach the beer and wine section, you can't get through that aisle either because there is a married couple standing there with their cart in the middle of the aisle. They are arguing about whether to get Miller or Coors Light. You try to politely say, " 'Scuse me!" and squeeze through, but they don't budge. They just stand there and glare at you the way they were just glaring at one another a few seconds ago. And then you bump their cart with yours because they wouldn't move it the hell out of the way, so the husband rolls his eyes and with a loud "HUFF" slides the cart over to the side a little...once you've already gotten past them. You pick out your six pack or bottle of wine and head to the checkout as fast as you can (which won't be very fast) still hearing the bickering couple in the background as you walk away.

You're almost done! You are thinking how lucky you are to be so efficient, looking forward to the moment when all your stuff is bagged up and you step out into the sunshine of the free world again, when a ten year old NASCAR wannabe who has been allowed to "help" by pushing the cart comes barrelling out of the potato chip isle and T-bones your cart, sending a shockwave of impact through every joint in your upper body and causing you to ram the push-bar thingy into your gut. You think you might have broken a rib, but before you have time to clear your head and register what has happened, the kid's mom comes screaming obscenities from the aisle behind him about how he needs to be careful because, "These damn people in here don't know how to watch where they're going!" This leaves you pretty speechless, so you just shake off the impact of the crash and head, with even more determination, to the check out.

Where you wait in line for what seems like far too long, considering the person in front of you is only buying a pack of Twizzler's and a tube of body lotion. Then, as you reach the check-out counter, you realize you have managed to pick the one line in the store with the chatty cashier. The worst part is, you don't even know what the hell she's talking to you about because she's continuing her end of the conversation she was just having with the last two customers, so you just keep smiling and nodding and praying to God that she shuts up soon and just bags up your shit so you can leave.

Finally! You swiped your debit card, grabbed all your bags and threw them back in the cart and headed for the door!

Where the greeter has stopped a customer in front of you to check his reciept, and it's decided that she'll also need to check yours. So you dig the reciept back out of your purse and hold it up for her so she can make a yellow mark on it with her highligter pen. You try to be patient, because, after all, what if you need that reciept later, in case you accidentally bought defective tampons?


You made it! You're walking out into the fresh air, focused intently on the sun-glare coming from the roof of your car! Yay, you remembered where you parked! You manage to make it across the parking lot without getting hit by a car, open your trunk and start loading up your stuff. Then you notice a car parked in the drive behind you, lights on, engine running right blinker on. The driver is impatiently staring at you to let you know, without a doubt, that he's waiting for your space so hurry up. You politely wave to acknowledge him, finish your task and then go to put your cart in the designated area. That's when he starts flashing his bright lights at you and rolls down his window so you can hear him cursing, not at you, but...at you. You make it back to your car, crank up the engine, throw her into reverse and start to back out. But the guy behind you has pulled so close, you have no room to back out. So you sit there and wait for him to back up a little, which he does while vigorously shaking his head and calling you an idot.

But you are out of there! Finally, back at home with all your wares. And you realize as you empty the last bag and head to the bathroom that you forgot to buy toilet paper...Wonder if Family Dollar is still open???

Not So Attractive Woman Seeks Slightly Better Than Average Man

So, over the last few years, my life has seen more changes than I could even begin to list...One of those changes has been my "relationship status" or lack thereof. I haven't been very concerned about changing that, as it turns out, although for a while I thought I was. I played at a relationship with this one guy for about a year until I finally gave up in resignation, understanding that he was never going to "be ready." I should have asked myself if I was ready and I could have saved myself a year of effort! Ok...so yeah, I was in a "relationship" with a dude who lives 50 miles away, has 4 kids, works 3rd shift, and is afraid of his own shadow and prefers whining about the way things are to actually doing something constructive to make things better-- and I was ok with that.  Really, I was quite content most of the time.  But then I  finally figured out that I didn't need to be in a crappy excuse for a relationship to be deprived of a sex-life.   Anyway, you're right if you're thinking that anyone who would believe that kind of relationship is a good one has some issues.

Match.com has helped me realize my fear of committment and my hesitance to get "involved." I've gone one lots of dates lately, dates with skinny men, fat men, bald men, young men, old men, smart men, sexy men, yet I have absolutely no interest in getting serious with any of them.

I haven't gone out with any stupid men, but I know they're out there. All you have to do is read their profiles to know they aren't very bright.   Check out this profile that I copied and pasted just moments ago:

"As for me. I was born 4/12, /1974.I am looking for relationship with a womanI think relationship between man and women is most important to me.Landscaping I don't work till the fall get $20.00 hours I wood like to get married. I don't have any children I wood like to have my own family to I do like kids I wood like to have 3 made be:) .I dont drink. But I do drink tea and diet coke that bout it . I am 59" weight 174bl I am 36 years old I am from Orlando fl now live in Greenville SC. my hobby are like RC gas cars, Surfing.and facbook I do have a Brother and a Sister law they have their own family to boys. Friends I have two friends one in noway and one in Australia I do call to see how they are my full name is **** ***** if you got Facebook I am on it all day my name is ********. I hat my picture but I do have picture of me I have blonde hair and green eyes. O I live in the us. That it. The end"

Now don't get me wrong, I think that a relationship between a man and A WOMAN is important...but I draw the line when the man I'm with wants to get other women involved! And Dude, I know you're a landscaper, but WOULD you please try to use the correct form of this important auxilliary verb? Wait...he probably doesn't know what auxilliary means...anyway, spelling aside, where are the periods at the end of sentences?  He wants to have three kids made...I wonder if he knows how that whole thing works? Do his brother and sister-law have two kids or do they also have kids? I've heard of guys bragging about "size" but seriously dude, you expect me to believe it's 59 inches?  The poor dude only has two friends in the whole world and one lives in Austrailia and the other in, wait, did he say Noway?  Where the hell is Noway? And why did he hat his picture? Oh, he means Hate....O and by the way he lives in us. Kind of like Jesus, I guess?

Worse than the dumb guys, are the unattractive men who *think* they are hot. Many of them have picture of themselves shirtless, which I must say, is tasteless even for a guy with a smooth chest and ripped abs. Seriously, if we hit it off, I'm not going to be looking across the dinner table at your torso every evening, now am I? I want to know that you have all your teeth, whether or not you're bald (so lose the baseball cap) and whether I personally, find your facial features appealing. If I like what's above your shoulders, chances are, I'll have a chance to check out the rest later, if ya know what I mean...Here are some chests and other profile photos that make me go, "huh?" from Match.com:

I don't know if I can get into trouble for this or not...so I'm going to post these pics...If someone complains, I'll take them down...


"I feel pretty."



"I drowned my last date in the bathtub."



Um...Fighting Forest Fires?









                                                                                                 





"I hung this panelling myself."

"My back is sexy too!"









Do I hear banjos?



"Will you drive me home?"



"You want me to be happy about this?"





 +

























"Duuudee!  A Zombie totally ate his brain!!!"







 



"I'm so sexy I give myself a headache..."



"You seen my shirt, babe?"



Its a Profile Picture...not a "Profile" picture...



"I just stand around like this all day."



"You see how far I can reach? You're never getting away from me!!!!"



"You got it baby, I'm the king of this trailer park..."





"I look like Ben Afleck when I put my hand up like this."







He's livin' hard...but not for long...



Ok...maybe it's not the picture that's the problem here...



"I wear my sun glasses at night, but I NEVER wear a shirt, dammit!"



"I'm not wearing pants, either..."

\
....Whew...that was fun, but it took a long time...I guess I better go do some real work now.  I'll write more later about what men seem to be looking for (or NOT looking for) in a potential mate...

Meanwhile, enjoy this picture....









"Hang on Baby, I'm comin'!!"

Ok, ok...I confess.  The picture above didn't come from Match.com.  I took it from my friend's FB page.  After all, I wouldn't have written this little blog today if I hadn't been texting him last night and forwarding him all the creepy emails I get from Match.com members lately. He's a really good guy, and not the least bit creepy and I've yet to see a picture of him anywhere without his shirt on...Believe me, I've looked for one! (there I go being creepy) Anyway, here's the email I shared with him last night: 



(Keep in mind that I have never spoken to this person before, ever.)
Received: May 25, 2011

"I would adore you like no other could. I challenge you to test that. My fiancé loved me soooooooo much because I adored being with her and fixed her hair in the morning on weekends. She found out she had breast cancer so we did the radiation and kemo thing and it didn't help at all. When the doctor told her she had a year to live she loved me so much she left cause she couldn't stand the pain on my face I felt for her. I'm not conceded but I know I'm a catch because my last love showed me I was. Sad story but true. Saddest thing is she's 3-."



Aw, I kind a feel bad for the guy having lost his finace and all...but seriously, does my hair look so bad that he thinks I'd need him to fix it for me? Ever?  And there is such a thing is too much information too soon...This one is definatley CREEPERS!  I wonder if you can guess which picture above goes with this email??

One of the strangest ones I got has already been deleted, but in it, the much-older man tried to grab my attention by telling me a midieval tale of knights and castles and kings and  horses...He even said my red hair and turquoise necklace were "beacons indeed."  Creepy.

Some guys try to be witty.  They google my screen name: "Cinnamon Girl"   and then copy and paste the lyrics to the song in an email, as if I've never heard the song...or maybe they think if they send me the lyrics, I'll believe they actually know who Neil Young is?  One guy actually asked me if I knew Neil Young wrote a song, "about me."  Thinking he was being charming, I responded that it seems as though Neil has written a bunch of songs about me.  His response?  Explaining to me who Neil Young is and that it would be super cool if that were really where I came up with my screen name....Ugh...

It's all entertainment, right?

I'm on my way out the door to dinner with some friends, but I'm not finished here...There's so much more I can tell you!