7 New Year's Resolutions You Can Actually Keep

7. Spend more time on the couch. Let’s face it, exercise sucks and you work hard. You deserve more time in front of the TV.  New Year’s resolutions are all about making us have happier, more fulfilling lives, right? If spending the weekend on the couch watching an entire TV series on Netflix makes you happy and fulfilled, go for it!

6. Charity starts at home. You already pay taxes and you gave a dollar to the Salvation Army this past Christmas. It’s time to take care of YOU. Volunteer to clean up your own yard, not the local park. Keep your money and spend it on yourself—those other suckers can make a difference in the world out there, you’re making a difference where it counts most…to you…

5. Spend more and save nothing. You only live once, and you’ll only get ONE 2013, so if you see something you want, get it! Don’t have enough money for bills? Borrow some from a payday loan place. As long as the lights stay on, everything’s cool, right? Besides, spending makes you happy—ever heard of retail therapy??

4. Avoid social gatherings and family functions as much as possible. Who needs the added stress of abiding by social graces and pretending to be interested in what’s going on in the lives of your family members? You’ll be much happier if you keep to yourself and let everyone else do the same.

3. Drink often and smoke much. After all, drinking makes you more relaxed and smoking calms your nerves. Why stress yourself out over your health when you can have a drink (or five) and forget all your troubles? Also, if you quit smoking, you’ll have to forfeit those smoke breaks at work, and you need that 10 minutes out of every hour to stay focused.

2. Think about going back to school, changing careers or starting a new relationship. When it comes to doing something that can really change your life for the better, there’s no time like the present to think about it. Maybe you’ll actually get around to doing it in 2014.

1. Gain at least 5 pounds. Stuck in that strange place between a size 8 and a size 12? There’s a simple fix for that. Chances are, another 5 pounds would put you perfectly into a size 12. No more struggling to find pants that fit or trying on clothes before you buy them. You can start by eating out more, eating more sweets and drinking more sodas. It is much easier to gain weight than to lose it, and you’re not in to self-defeating behaviors. Stick to what you’re good at, and you’ll have a year for the record books!

The 3 Stupidest Things People Say To Me ALL THE TIME.

I recently had an eye exam.  My vision has been very poor since I was a teenager, and over the years it has gotten a bit worse.  In fact, my vision is so poor that my new prescription would probably resemble the coke-bottle glasses of yore, and my eyes would appear to others, as big as saucers.  So, with that in mind, I decided to go back to wearing contact lenses, at least some of the time.  I also seem to generally see better with contacts than with glasses.  I was very happy when I left my doctor's office with 20/20 vision and no glasses.  Well, I was happy until I got to work the next morning, anyway.

I realize that people at work aren't accustomed to seeing me sans glasses.  I understand that they look at me and do a little double-take and try to figure out what's different.  After all, when you wear glasses for a long time, they become part of your identity, so it only makes sense that people look twice when you're not wearing them.  The problem is, they all have to say something, and that's were things go horribly wrong...for me.

"You look sick."
"Have you been crying?"

"You look tired."
"You look tired."
"You look tired."
"Are you sick?"
"Are you having your period?"
"It'll be okay!" (she thought I had been crying.)

Okay, so I get the message people.  I look better with my glasses on because they hide the fact that my eyes are puffy and swollen all the time.  Point taken. And if another person tells me how tired I look or how sick I look, I'm just going to say, "No, I'm not tired or sick, this is just how I look."  But that wouldn't be exactly true because I am tired and I am sick, I just don't really want to announce that to the world.

Anyway, all this got me thinking about the stupid things people say to other people, especially about their appearance. Here are the top comments I thought of.  Feel free to ad your own:

1.  "You look__________."   Fill in the blank.  You look tired, you look sick, you look sad, you look angry, you look upset, you look sleepy.  To make this one simple, just remember that you should never start a sentence with "you look" unless it ends with a positive adjective like "beautiful".   Anytime you say "You look_______" to someone, you're assuming something about them that might not be true and in doing so, you might be unwittingly insulting them.  See above.

2.  "You've lost weight."  First of all, this one implies that you thought I was fat to start with.  Yes, maybe I have lost weight, but couldn't you just tell me I look great?  You've lost weight means, "hey, you're not as fat as you used to be!"  For some reason people say this to me all the time, even when I haven't lost any weight, which makes me think that I'm really a cow who just happens to look thinner on some days because of what I'm wearing or something.

3.  "Your hair looks better that way."  So you--a person whom I see every day and whom I may even think of as a friend, have been letting me walk around with bad hair for how long without telling me it looked like crap?  If you think it looks better now, how bad did it look before?  How long need I stay embarrassed about the hairstyle that I had for the last 2 years?

Anyway, I suppose I will get my glasses back out and kiss my better vision goodbye for the sake of vanity.  It's not that I'm that worried about being attractive, it's just that I already go to great lengths to NOT be thought of as sickly, tired or weak and my eyes are apparently betraying me.

The better vision was nice while it lasted, though.

Life is Sweet

He used to rest his head beside mine, his body long and stretched out across the bed, with his socked feet tapping out a sleepy rhythm as we drifted off to meet our dreams.  It was his safe place, that pillow beside mine, where he would lie and smile back at me as I made some joke or called him a silly nickname.  It was the safe place he came to when something out there was trying to pull him off in the wrong direction.

There are nights, still, when I wish I could reach over and touch the top of his fuzzy head like I used to do. There are times when I wish he would bashfully pull my arm across him and fold it under his, not because he wanted to give me affection, but because he wanted to feel safe.  I never thought of those quiet nights, floating off on our pillows to our own dreamworlds together, that what we had was a haven of sorts.

All I knew was that he would be here, if not on Friday or Saturday, for sure on Sunday night.  We would drink our wine and laugh until our bellies hurt, and then around midnight, we would settle into the quiet ease of kinship, where neither of us had to speak a word and the TV didn't need to be on.  We found our little niche and it was a beautiful thing because we never examined it to deeply.  It just was, and it made us peaceful and safe.

As one who over-thinks and over-analyzes most everything and everyone, I can hardly believe such a sweet time in my life passed me by without scrutiny.  Why didn't I realize then, that he was looking to me for guidance?  Why didn't I be a stronger person for him?  Invite him to rest his head beside mine, or hang his feet off the end of my couch more often?

Because for once, and because of him, I was able to let go of the need to pick everything apart and see how it worked.  Because he made me laugh and he made me angry.  He made me sad and he made me love him so, so much with his own refusal to adhere to the conventions of the world around us.  He was one of a kind, and this is one of those nights when I can't help but miss him.

I lay in my bed for about a minute tonight, trying to think of lyrics to a song that said what I was feeling.  This is the line I wanted to remember:

"I still can hear you saying, 'All of life is a chance. And is sweetest, oh is sweetest, when at a glance."

Those were some sweet times that I will forever treasure, even on nights like tonight, when I wish so hard that I could reach across the bed and find him curled up in the fetal position with his socks still on.  My arms can't reach him anymore, but what he taught me about safety, about living sweetly will forever guide my path until my last breath.  And his pillow, worn and deflated with all the cares that were too heavy for him to carry, will stay ever beside me to bear the weight of my burdens as well.

Until we will rest our heads together again someday in another, more beautiful place.

10 Things We Never Worried About Before Facebook

1.  Forgetting the birthday of someone you haven't physically laid eyes on in twenty years or more.  It occurred to me this evening when I logged in to stalk people, and there was a reminder that today is the birthday of an old high school acquaintance. I actually felt a little pang of guilt about not posting the one hundredth obligatory "Happy Birthday" on her wall until I remembered that back in high school, we never really hung out together.  I never wished her happy birthday then, so why would I now, when I haven't seen her in twenty years?  Still, I feel as if I am doing wrong by ignoring that little reminder up there in the right-hand corner...

2. Photos.

• Having incriminating photos show up online that we didn't even know someone had taken. 
• Documenting every occasion (or non-occasion) to make sure all our friends know how attractive we are, how beautiful our children are and how sexy our spouse is.
• Worrying about looking unattractive, fat etc...in pictures of us on FB--because we don't want people to get the wrong impression...

3.  Keeping count of our friends and categorizing them according to how close we are and how much we want them to know/not know about us.  Before Facebook, we just were.  People at work knew us by how we presented ourselves at work.  People outside work knew us as how we were away from work.  Now, thanks to FB, everyone wants a chance to know us in our entirety and that makes me (for one) a little uneasy.  I'm okay with not being bosom buddies with everyone at work, and I certainly don't need my boss browsing through my pictures from the weekend.  See above.

4.  Keeping everyone we know updated on where we are and what we are doing, as well as whether or not we are enjoying ourselves--complete with photos.  As if everyone having cell phones weren't enough--always being reachable no matter where you are and whether or not you want to be bothered, we now voluntarily check ourselves in to places so everyone will know where to find us and come bug us in person.  Makes no sense to me, but I do it!

5. Getting Fired.  I have personally known a couple of people who were fired for posting gripes about their jobs on FB.  If your boss is your FB friend,  you probably shouldn't complain about how dumb your boss is on FB, but people do it without even thinking and then...well, they get that dreadful call into the HR office...

6.  Disagreements between friends about religion and politics.  I remember the good old days, when you attended a party, had a few drinks, shared a few laughs and never got angry at the guy sitting across from you because you kept thinking about that insensitive and completely WRONG comment he posted yesterday.  Let's face it, the Facebookless world was one of harmony and bliss because we didn't know everyone's opinions about everything.

7.  Being Unfriended.  Who ever thought of such a thing?

8.  Updating our Relationship Statuses.  As if Single or Married isn't enough, now we have all these other choices, such as "It's Complicated."  Who ever wanted to put so much thought into describing their relationships in one or two words in the first place? 

9.  "What will people think of me??"  We worry about what people will think if we aren't in a relationship, what they'll think if we are, what they'll think of our hairstyle, our clothes, the company we keep, the parties we attend, the car we drive...Now, it's not enough to say that we don't worry about all this stupid crap without FB, but WITH FB, we worry about it ten times more because we share ALL of it with EVERYONE, including pictures.  "What do you mean, lick the spoon?  What will they think on Facebook???"

10.  "Does anyone even read the shit I post?  Do they even care what I think?  Probably not.  No one reads my posts...I mean, I only got 3 likes and that was a pretty good joke..."

When I Can't Think of Words...

I'm thankful that someone else already has.
"How I wished for you today..."

No Time for That....

Found this because of my really silly niece and her even sillier husband.  Good for a laugh!

Making it Right

I haven't seen him since February.  Before that, I hadn't heard from him since maybe March of the year before.  He is like some sneaky ghost from the past that keeps popping up when I least expect him, hinting at things he should leave alone.  I try to deflect the comments.  I try to remain unaffected by his approach, but despite all I do, I end up giving him the attention he wants...mostly.

When I got that email from him out of the blue about going to The Punchline in Atlanta with him, I was shocked.  I really had put the thought of him behind me and was satisfied to leave him in the past.  Still, I merely had an "arrangement" with "the other guy" and I wondered what it would be like to see him again.  Would I still feel the same way?  Would we have as much fun together as we used to?  What harm could it do?

So, I went.  We drove down together in my sister's truck, catching up on each other's lives.  I strategically left out the parts I knew he wouldn't want to hear.  I suspect he did the same.  Still, we had a great time that night, laughing together, riding back up together, listening to the music we both enjoyed.  We got back late, and I went in with him for a minute before I headed home.  It was awkward, detached but kind of familiar and safe too.  It's hard to explain.

Anyway, here he is again, popping up on my phone at midnight, flirting--asking to see me.  I said something to the effect of, "Sure.  We should get together every year or two, have a drink and see what happens." He didn't think it was funny.

He wants to know did I ever think he might be ready now?
Ready for what, I wanted to know.
"To kill myself I guess."
"That's kind of drastic.  You should just get a girlfriend."

Again, he missed the joke.

The odd thing is, after I bought my car the other day and finally had a CD player again, I ran into the house to find a CD to listen to on my way to work.  The only one I could find?  Slash.  The one he burned for me at his house one Sunday afternoon.

I remember so well, one of the songs.  It is my favorite one on the CD, and the one he referred to the last time he decided to vanish.  Maybe he was trying to tell me that someday he would make things right with me, but I never believed him.  I suppose I still don't.

You can't make something right tomorrow, if tomorrow is an unspecified amount of time in the future.  Especially since my future is not going to be very extensive.  Tomorrow isn't worth much to someone who has to live in Today.

Still, I like the song and I listened to it again today, very loudly on my way home.  Will I give in and see him this weekend?  Not likely.  Do I kind of want to, just out of curiosity?  Hell yes.  But curiosity killed the cat, and I'm supposed to die from something else, so I'm going to leave this one alone.

August 27, Something About Today...

I haven't forgotten what day it is.

Three years ago, it was a Thursday.  I remember everything I did that day.  I remember the moment, sitting on a bench outside Greenville Memorial, when I just instinctively knew he had drifted past me there and settled into his new abode.

I think I will wake up on this day until I pass into my own new abode, and remember that day.  I will remember the ache, the realization that there is no replacing what is lost.  The peace of knowing his pain had ended.  The agony of knowing mine was just beginning.

Today is different though.  Today is different because his son's grandfather just left too.  He left sometime last night, headed for the new home, leaving behind that familiar empty space for all those who couldn't take the journey with him. 

Today, the ache inside is for the pain I know Reid's mommy must feel.  It's for the loss he'll know double-fold in years to come, when he is old enough to understand. 

Today is extra sad.  Today, I save my prayers for myself and my own loss, and give them to the Phillips family instead.  My prayers go to Reid and James. 

My memories are sweet.  The rewards of having known him are all around  me, and for that, I am thankful.

Rest in peace, Goose. 

My Son:

"I don't want to wear clothes," he says with a stomp from my doorway, wearing only his Spiderman underwear.

"Fine, don't wear clothes then.  But you can't go with me in your underwear."

Foot stomp.  Door slam.  Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!!

Back at my doorway with a muffin.  He can't open the package, so he gets on my bed beside me and tosses it onto my chest.  "I want muffins!"

I toss them back.  "Then ask me nicely."

"No, I wont!"  Tosses the muffins back at me.

I put them on the table beside my bed.  "I want muffins!" He yells with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Then ask me nicely."

"I won't!  I-Want-Muffins!!!"

I ignore him.

He's acting bratty.

He lies down beside the dog, considering giving in.  I'm content with the brief reprive.  I know that every thing we do today will involve this struggle.  His will against mine.  Mostly, I will win.  But sometimes, I'm too tired to care, so I just give in.

I love this boy.  I seem to be the only person who does at times.  I understand how difficult he can be.  I understand why someone would choose to live without me, rather than with me when being with me involves this daily battle of wills from the boy.

I'm his mom.  Nothing I can or would change about that.

Maybe I'm a pushover.  Maybe I'm a fool.  Maybe I should spank him?  Maybe I should let all those people who seem to know better than me raise him instead?

I have few real options.

Just have to keep being the best mom I know how to be.  I don't do everything right, but at least I'm here and i'm trying.

Cliffhanger

Someone once took me up to Bald Rock on a Sunday afternoon, and as we sat overlooking the places where we eat and work and live, the minutiae of every-day life and its troubles was impossible to see.  All you could really do up there on that huge rock, was admire the view while maintaining a safe distance from the edge of the cliff.  "It's a great place to live," he said.  I agreed. 

I can't see the details of tomorrow.  I don't know what will happen to me or my son.  I don't know where I will live a year from now, or even if I will still be alive.  All I can really do is wait it out and try to keep away from the edge of the cliff.  Its harder to enjoy the view when all you see are the tiny, worrisome details, but I have to try.  Maybe I can even convince myself that my life is a great place to live.


The above is a blog post from almost 2 years ago.  It doesn't seem like it has been that long, and life has continued on--things happening, my making things happen, and my failing to make things happen as always.  I've had some unexpected but much appreciated surprises and some major disappointments.  My body has failed me more, my emotions have betrayed me and my life has become an almost foreign place to me.  However, my life really is a great place to live.

Maybe it's because I've had so many losses over the last few years, or maybe it's just because I've finally learned to stop trying to control everything, either way, I'm grateful for all the little joys I have and tend to focus on those things more lately than I ever have.

I don't let myself think or analyze too much anymore.  I don't want to live a life that goes unexamined, but I also don't want to scrutinize everything so much that I end up overlooking the blessings.  

I'm just feeling so grateful that my future isn't set in stone, and the future of those that I love is just as fluid.  Who knows what will happen tomorrow?  I've got today to appreciate first.  I'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

If Dogs Had Thumbs

We have a new family member at our house.  Her name is Penny and she is a Black Lab/Pittbull mix.  We adopted her from the pound about two weeks ago.  She is very sweet and loveable, but is only about 6 months old, which means she is sometimes very energetic and snippy.  She loves to chew, nip, jump on people and occasionally hide in a corner to pee on the carpet.  She is slowly improving and learning the ways of domestic life though, and for all the struggles of training a puppy, she is well worth the effort when she jumps up on the couch with me to snuggle and watch TV at night. 

Ever Seen a Chimp With a Leash Around His Neck??

While watching Penny play a couple of days ago, my daughter posed an interesting question.  What if dogs had thumbs?  Would they use their mouths so much?

And of course, that got me thinking about all the ways we would treat our animals differently if they did have thumbs.  Here are a few of the things that came to mind for me:

1.  We wouldn't use leashes anymore because we could just hold hands with our dogs.  Sure, that would leave them walking on 3 legs, but I've seen dogs that could do it.  Besides, it would seem more inhumane to put a leash around a two-thumbed creature's neck.  Ever seen a Chimpanzee with a leash around his neck?  I rest my case.

2.  They could open the door and go outside on their own.  No more doggie doors.

3.  They would fetch much differently. 

4.  Instead of biting the mailman, they might pinch him.

5.  They could eat at the table with us.  From a spoon. Or a fork.

6. They could hold the remote control.

7.  They could hand you things without slobbering all over them first.

8.  They could pick flowers, instead of peeing on them.

9.  They would dig holes with a shovel.

10.  Puppies might be thumb-suckers instead of incessant chewers.

  12. They could hitch-hike.

     13.  They could brush their own   teeth.

     14.  They could feed themselves   hamburgers and corn on the cob.

        15.  They could pick up their babies without looking like they're about to eat them.

16.  Maybe they could even use toilet paper????

10 Better Reasons to Hate Chick-fil-a

Over the last week, I've seen so many posts for or against Chick-fil-a and their lack of an antidiscrimination policy that I've grown weary of the whole controversy.  What does it say about our country's understanding of marriage and relationships, when we so quickly rush to get in line behind, of all things, a fast food company that is attempting to define what marriage "should" or "shouldn't" be?  No wonder our divorce rate is so high.   

I figure it's not up to me to decide what is right or wrong for other people.  Frankly, I have enough trouble keeping myself in line.  Therefore, you won't see me taking sides on this issue--at least not the marriage issue.  The way I see it, "traditional" marriage is already a dead institution.  The divorce rate between heterosexuals in this country exceeds the marriage rate.  More kids come from split families than intact ones.  Many of the  people I know only stay together for convenience.  Adultry is America's favorite pass-time, it seems.  South Carolina, in particular,  has one of the highest domestic violence rates in the country.  Considering what marriage "is" in America, I really can't understand what the Conservatives are trying to "protect" or why gay people want the right to such misery. 

Still though, I really have come to hate Chick-Fil-A, and for much better reasons than their CEO's beliefs on marriage.  If you still  haven't picked sides on this issue, but want to join the ranks of CFA haters across America, here are some much better reasons to avoid the fast food chain than their apparent intolerance of people who are un-white, un-heterosexual, un-religious or just plain 'different'.


1.  All the people who work there are WAY too cheery to be human.  I have come to believe that CFA hires its employess from another planet, or perhaps from a cloning factory.  At my local CFA, all the employees have a permanent smile plastered across their fake little faces and the crew looks hand-picked for a TV commercial.  There's the red headed freckled girl with a braided ponytail, they grey-haired, overweight manager, and some pimply guys who have freakishly straight teeth that their adolescent faces haven't quite grown into yet, and one or two other girls (usually blond) who are far to eager to take my order.  We all know, no matter how old or young you are, no one is THAT happy to be working at a fast food joint.  I know that it isn't really their pleasure to serve me at the window--they were told to say that to everyone and they do it because they are DRONES! 

2.  Too Much Freaking ICE!!!  Ever gone through the CFA drive-thru for a Coke on a hot day?  Chances are, if you did, you didn't get your thirst quenched.  Turns out, you get the same amount of ice in your drink whether you order a super large cup that won't fit into your cup-holder, or a small cup.  The last time I got a drink there, I couldn't even get the straw into the cup because there was so much ice.  I think I took two sips before my drink was gone.  Then they give you those dry-ass sandwiches to eat--which if you forget to ask for mayo, aren't going down easy.

3.  Closed On Sunday.  How many times have you said to yourself, "I think I'd like some CFA today, " then driven all the way there only to realize it's Sunday and they're closed?  I understand this is something the company likes to boast about, but really?  It's fried chicken, isn't it?  And what do ALL Southerner's like to eat on Sunday after church?  That's right, fried chicken.  It seems to me that CFA lacks common sense on this one. Besides that, maybe they could afford to actually give you enough Coke to wash down that sandwich if they didn't short themselves financially by not selling any food on Sundays.  Maybe their prices could also be a little more in the fast food range as well, which leads me to my next point.

4.  It's too darned expensive.  It might be the trendy place to go, and their claim of being the creator of the chicken sandwich might be true, but it's still just fried chicken and french fries.  Weird-ass french fries, but fried potatoes just the same.  So why would I go to CFA and pay $6.00 for a sandwich with nothing on it but a piece of fried chicken and some pickles with a side of WAFFLE fries and two sips of Coke from a Styrofoam cup? 

5.  They still use Styrofoam cups.  My guess is that Mr. Cathy also is not a believer in global warming or in taking responsibility for the planet for which God gave us the honor of tending.  As far as I know, CFA is one of the only fast food franchises that still uses Styrofoam products.  

6.  Waffle Fries.  Are they fries, or waffles?  Both?  The only thing I know for sure, is they're hard to dip in ketchup, and they're usually quite soggy.  The rest just mystifies me.  Like, how do they cut them like that?  I have actually spent several minutes at a time pondering how they get them cut with those little holes in them.  I can't think about it too long though, because it hurts my head, and frankly, when I'm eating fries, I don't want to be caught up in unraveling the mysteries of the Universe. 

7.  Really Sucky Kid's Meal Toys.  Need I say more?  They are always giving out some kind of cards or boring story books with some kind of moral message in them.  I don't know if you remember being a kid or not, but I do. I know for a fact I would have been one pissed off little kid, had I opened my kid's meal to find a plastic ring with cardboard cut-outs of leaves that I was supposed to learn to identify.  I wanted something plastic and colorful--preferably something that made a lot of noise so I could bother my sisters and my parents with it. 

8.  They are SLOW.  I confess, I have tried to go to CFA a few times around noon.  However, I have never been successful because the drivethru line usually circles all the way around the building and down the adjoining street, blocking traffic for half a mile because the happy folks at the drive thru window are so damned blissful that they don't realize other people are in a freaking hurry. 

9.  It's a Chicken Sandwich With Pickles.  I really don't get the hoopla about a freaking fried chicken breast on a bun with two pickles.  Maybe my tastes are a little more refined than some others, but I think I'm pretty average.  I can't figure out how this company has been so successful when the star of their menu is a chicken and pickle sandwich.  I know they have other kinds of chicken sandwiches and chicken nuggets and blah blah blah...but it is still all chicken.  CHICKEN, people--not mannah and quail rained down straight from heaven with the blessing of God just because CFA is closed on Sunday.

10.  The Name.  I guess it's no wonder they got FRENCH fries wrong, when you consider that they don't even respect the French language.  Isn't it supposed to be a fillet of chicken sandwich?  Or a chicken fillet on a sandwich?  My sister used to read the sign exactly as it is written--"Chick Fill Uh"  This was before I could read, and I used to wonder, "Chick fill a what?"  It's quite like an incomplete sentence when you think about it.  And really, that "C" on the cup doesn't look that much like a chicken either. 

So there you go.  Even if you agree with the non-gay policy of CFA, you can still find a good reason to avoid eating there if you try hard enough.  I say eat Chick-Fil-A on August 1 only if you want to, but not because you feel you should just to support Mr. Cathy's right to free speech.  For some of us out here, Chick-Fil-A's opinions on marriage and discrimination are unimportant.  But one thing is for sure, no matter what your beliefs, no one deserves to endure the punishment of waiting in line all day for a chicken and pickle sandwich, an order of soggy weird fries and a cup full of ice.  I'm just sayin'....

I Really Like My New Job

It has been a long time since I actually looked forward to going to work every day.  I guess God knew this was exactly what I needed and that this was the right time to give it to me.  For God's timing, I am very grateful.

I don't know if I'll ever see all the pieces of my life come together at once, but at least I know He's watching out for me.

7 Signs You Might Be a Facebook Hypocrite

1.  If you've ever been on food stamps, medicaid, or received Unemployment Compensation, posting something like this makes you a hypocrite:
Old Chinese proverb: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will feed himself for life." 
American proverb: "Give a man foodstamps, welfare checks, 100 weeks of unemployment, free cell phone, cash for clunkers, and free government housing and he will vote democrat forever."


That's right, no matter how many of your friends "like" this comment, since you have been a user of the very system you criticize, you're a hypocrite!  Not to mention, you're showing your ignorance regarding which president is responsible for which program...but that's another blog post.

2.  You  say "I Love You" to your significant other/children/friends, in your Facebook post every day, but you're actually an asshole to them at home.

3.  You spend hours scouring the web for images with wise quotes to post on your wall:


When what' you really think is:



4.  You constantly yap about how wonderful your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is, but you're really just trying to make someone else jealous of the fabulous life you *Don't* have.  Seriously folks, who has the perfect life-partner?  We all know you're blowing smoke up our asses, so why not just say what you mean?  For example:

"Fackbooker123  My husband is an okay guy.  I mean, I could do a lot worse I suppose.  At least he picked up his underwear off the floor today and kissed me goodbye before I left.  Either way, I'm happy I finally settled."

That, we would all buy.

5.  You brag on your kids a bit too much.  It makes us all think you're probably over-compensating for that 44 year old still living in your basement eating Cheetos and playing video games on your old couch from 1976.   We know you're not really the proud parent of a terrific kid...Might as well be honest with yourself and everyone else, this one was a fluke.

6.  You gush about what a great boss/job you have, when in reality, you wish the place would burn down during the night so you'd never have to go back again.  Your real friends likely know you're miserable with your job, no matter what you lead the FB crowd to believe.

7.  You're actually a pretty well-adjusted happy person, but your FB posts are ALWAYS dark, dreary and depressing.  For example, one time I was sitting in the room with a friend of mine (a guy who shall remain nameless) laughing, joking and having  a great time.  Apparently, when I got up to grab a drink, he posted the following on his FB page:

"Life is so hard sometimes.  I'd rather just go home and die than continue living this way."

He got lots of heartwarming, caring responses from people who were (probably) really concerned about him.   In reality?  We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning watching comedy central and laughing our butts off!  Depressed?  I think not.  Attention seeking?  Yes.  Hypocrite? Most definitely.

Happy Posting Y'all! :)

10 Worst "Compliments" I Ever Got From Men

With my 42nd birthday swiftly approaching (2 days away), I have been doing some heavy thinking lately.  Mostly, I've pondered how I look, feel and act at 42 as opposed to the way my mother looked, seemed to feel and acted at the same age.  I was in 3rd grade when she was 42, and I remember thinking she was so OLD compared to my friends' moms.

Here I am, at 42 with two adult  children and a 5 year old.  I wonder how he will see me in comparison to his friends' moms when he is in 3rd grade?  Ugh, not a pretty thought...

Anyway, with all this thinking I've been doing, I've apparently become a bit insecure about my appearance, because yesterday my guy sort of tried to kind of give me a compliment and it made me almost cry.  True story...But here's the thing, is it really a compliment when your man tells you that your boobs, "aren't THAT saggy"???

So, in honor of my 42nd, I decided to list the 10 worst "compliments" I've ever gotten from men, in no particular order:

1.  "Other people might not think you're pretty, but I do." --Billy Farmer
2.  "You look good in the dark."--Billy Farmer (to be fair, this guy actually wrote me a poem to explain what he meant when he said that...but really?  In the dark?)
3.  "You look good...for your age." --Joey Mangum
4.  "Sometimes I look at you and think, 'Rebecca looks great....for having 3 kids.' "--Joey Mangum
5.  "You're stunning, but my ex wife was beautiful." --The Private Man
6.  "You're almost skinny enough to wear that bikini."....As I was WEARING it after losing 25 lbs of baby weight after the second child. --Billy Farmer
7,  "That's a pretty dress...if you like that kind of thing." --Nate Schultz
8.  "I like my women to have a little belly on them." (as he patted mine)--Tony Viola
9.  "You've always had a big butt, even when you were too skinny."--Billy Farmer (after the divorce)
10.  "Your boobs are not THAT saggy...I mean, they aren't that bad...Every woman's boobs get saggy, it's just gravity....after three kids....blah blah blah blah...." --You know who you are 


I guess it could be worse.  I've only really had one man in my life who just outright insulted me.  At least these guys maybe tried, a little, to deliver the message gently.  I guess what really matters most is how I feel about myself anyway, right?  So, I am going to get myself some new duds today and pretty myself up for my birthday dinner with my girlfriends this evening.  At least we are eating outside after dark, so I know I'll look good...For my age...

And for you guys...Sometimes when you start to give a compliment to your girl...well, maybe you just shouldn't.

Happy Birthday to ME! :)