Good Parent?

If  you are a parent who is prone to laying guilt-trips on yourself for not doing everything just right , this video is for you.  I think as long as you aren't doing anything even remotely similar to the pictures in this video, you're probably doing an ok job.  So go hug your kids and give yourself a break!

Enjoy Your Memorial Day Weekend....

But don't forget your sunscreen...

People Of Walmart

Ok...I'm digressing from my rant about Match.com for a minute. Only because I saw this posted on FB this morning and it cracked me up. Also because I could rant about Wal-Mart shoppers all day long. It's not so much how they dress (although there is some great entertainment value there) for me, it's about the way they DRIVE! Yes, I said drive. Among other things...

Honestly, if one more housewife looking off to her left in fear of missing some great deal, bumps into me or runs over my kid one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions! Seriously people, it is a basic rule for any object (or person) in motion: WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

Then there are the ones who block the aisle in front of you and move sooooo slowly that you end up turning around and going back around the way you came, go all the way down the next aisle and then U turn back to the other end of the aisle you were previously in, where the same person is still standing in the same spot looking at the SAME BOTTLE OF SUAVE SHAMPOO, just so you can grab your own shampoo and head to over to the Feminine Hygiene section....

Where there is an incredibly hairy and creepy guy hanging out, pretending to look at reading glasses but really just watching you pick out your tampons.

So you grab your box of Tampax Pearl and head on over to the wine section, because after this trip, you're going to need to drink when you get home. But when you reach the beer and wine section, you can't get through that aisle either because there is a married couple standing there with their cart in the middle of the aisle. They are arguing about whether to get Miller or Coors Light. You try to politely say, " 'Scuse me!" and squeeze through, but they don't budge. They just stand there and glare at you the way they were just glaring at one another a few seconds ago. And then you bump their cart with yours because they wouldn't move it the hell out of the way, so the husband rolls his eyes and with a loud "HUFF" slides the cart over to the side a little...once you've already gotten past them. You pick out your six pack or bottle of wine and head to the checkout as fast as you can (which won't be very fast) still hearing the bickering couple in the background as you walk away.

You're almost done! You are thinking how lucky you are to be so efficient, looking forward to the moment when all your stuff is bagged up and you step out into the sunshine of the free world again, when a ten year old NASCAR wannabe who has been allowed to "help" by pushing the cart comes barrelling out of the potato chip isle and T-bones your cart, sending a shockwave of impact through every joint in your upper body and causing you to ram the push-bar thingy into your gut. You think you might have broken a rib, but before you have time to clear your head and register what has happened, the kid's mom comes screaming obscenities from the aisle behind him about how he needs to be careful because, "These damn people in here don't know how to watch where they're going!" This leaves you pretty speechless, so you just shake off the impact of the crash and head, with even more determination, to the check out.

Where you wait in line for what seems like far too long, considering the person in front of you is only buying a pack of Twizzler's and a tube of body lotion. Then, as you reach the check-out counter, you realize you have managed to pick the one line in the store with the chatty cashier. The worst part is, you don't even know what the hell she's talking to you about because she's continuing her end of the conversation she was just having with the last two customers, so you just keep smiling and nodding and praying to God that she shuts up soon and just bags up your shit so you can leave.

Finally! You swiped your debit card, grabbed all your bags and threw them back in the cart and headed for the door!

Where the greeter has stopped a customer in front of you to check his reciept, and it's decided that she'll also need to check yours. So you dig the reciept back out of your purse and hold it up for her so she can make a yellow mark on it with her highligter pen. You try to be patient, because, after all, what if you need that reciept later, in case you accidentally bought defective tampons?


You made it! You're walking out into the fresh air, focused intently on the sun-glare coming from the roof of your car! Yay, you remembered where you parked! You manage to make it across the parking lot without getting hit by a car, open your trunk and start loading up your stuff. Then you notice a car parked in the drive behind you, lights on, engine running right blinker on. The driver is impatiently staring at you to let you know, without a doubt, that he's waiting for your space so hurry up. You politely wave to acknowledge him, finish your task and then go to put your cart in the designated area. That's when he starts flashing his bright lights at you and rolls down his window so you can hear him cursing, not at you, but...at you. You make it back to your car, crank up the engine, throw her into reverse and start to back out. But the guy behind you has pulled so close, you have no room to back out. So you sit there and wait for him to back up a little, which he does while vigorously shaking his head and calling you an idot.

But you are out of there! Finally, back at home with all your wares. And you realize as you empty the last bag and head to the bathroom that you forgot to buy toilet paper...Wonder if Family Dollar is still open???

Not So Attractive Woman Seeks Slightly Better Than Average Man

So, over the last few years, my life has seen more changes than I could even begin to list...One of those changes has been my "relationship status" or lack thereof. I haven't been very concerned about changing that, as it turns out, although for a while I thought I was. I played at a relationship with this one guy for about a year until I finally gave up in resignation, understanding that he was never going to "be ready." I should have asked myself if I was ready and I could have saved myself a year of effort! Ok...so yeah, I was in a "relationship" with a dude who lives 50 miles away, has 4 kids, works 3rd shift, and is afraid of his own shadow and prefers whining about the way things are to actually doing something constructive to make things better-- and I was ok with that.  Really, I was quite content most of the time.  But then I  finally figured out that I didn't need to be in a crappy excuse for a relationship to be deprived of a sex-life.   Anyway, you're right if you're thinking that anyone who would believe that kind of relationship is a good one has some issues.

Match.com has helped me realize my fear of committment and my hesitance to get "involved." I've gone one lots of dates lately, dates with skinny men, fat men, bald men, young men, old men, smart men, sexy men, yet I have absolutely no interest in getting serious with any of them.

I haven't gone out with any stupid men, but I know they're out there. All you have to do is read their profiles to know they aren't very bright.   Check out this profile that I copied and pasted just moments ago:

"As for me. I was born 4/12, /1974.I am looking for relationship with a womanI think relationship between man and women is most important to me.Landscaping I don't work till the fall get $20.00 hours I wood like to get married. I don't have any children I wood like to have my own family to I do like kids I wood like to have 3 made be:) .I dont drink. But I do drink tea and diet coke that bout it . I am 59" weight 174bl I am 36 years old I am from Orlando fl now live in Greenville SC. my hobby are like RC gas cars, Surfing.and facbook I do have a Brother and a Sister law they have their own family to boys. Friends I have two friends one in noway and one in Australia I do call to see how they are my full name is **** ***** if you got Facebook I am on it all day my name is ********. I hat my picture but I do have picture of me I have blonde hair and green eyes. O I live in the us. That it. The end"

Now don't get me wrong, I think that a relationship between a man and A WOMAN is important...but I draw the line when the man I'm with wants to get other women involved! And Dude, I know you're a landscaper, but WOULD you please try to use the correct form of this important auxilliary verb? Wait...he probably doesn't know what auxilliary means...anyway, spelling aside, where are the periods at the end of sentences?  He wants to have three kids made...I wonder if he knows how that whole thing works? Do his brother and sister-law have two kids or do they also have kids? I've heard of guys bragging about "size" but seriously dude, you expect me to believe it's 59 inches?  The poor dude only has two friends in the whole world and one lives in Austrailia and the other in, wait, did he say Noway?  Where the hell is Noway? And why did he hat his picture? Oh, he means Hate....O and by the way he lives in us. Kind of like Jesus, I guess?

Worse than the dumb guys, are the unattractive men who *think* they are hot. Many of them have picture of themselves shirtless, which I must say, is tasteless even for a guy with a smooth chest and ripped abs. Seriously, if we hit it off, I'm not going to be looking across the dinner table at your torso every evening, now am I? I want to know that you have all your teeth, whether or not you're bald (so lose the baseball cap) and whether I personally, find your facial features appealing. If I like what's above your shoulders, chances are, I'll have a chance to check out the rest later, if ya know what I mean...Here are some chests and other profile photos that make me go, "huh?" from Match.com:

I don't know if I can get into trouble for this or not...so I'm going to post these pics...If someone complains, I'll take them down...


"I feel pretty."



"I drowned my last date in the bathtub."



Um...Fighting Forest Fires?









                                                                                                 





"I hung this panelling myself."

"My back is sexy too!"









Do I hear banjos?



"Will you drive me home?"



"You want me to be happy about this?"





 +

























"Duuudee!  A Zombie totally ate his brain!!!"







 



"I'm so sexy I give myself a headache..."



"You seen my shirt, babe?"



Its a Profile Picture...not a "Profile" picture...



"I just stand around like this all day."



"You see how far I can reach? You're never getting away from me!!!!"



"You got it baby, I'm the king of this trailer park..."





"I look like Ben Afleck when I put my hand up like this."







He's livin' hard...but not for long...



Ok...maybe it's not the picture that's the problem here...



"I wear my sun glasses at night, but I NEVER wear a shirt, dammit!"



"I'm not wearing pants, either..."

\
....Whew...that was fun, but it took a long time...I guess I better go do some real work now.  I'll write more later about what men seem to be looking for (or NOT looking for) in a potential mate...

Meanwhile, enjoy this picture....









"Hang on Baby, I'm comin'!!"

Ok, ok...I confess.  The picture above didn't come from Match.com.  I took it from my friend's FB page.  After all, I wouldn't have written this little blog today if I hadn't been texting him last night and forwarding him all the creepy emails I get from Match.com members lately. He's a really good guy, and not the least bit creepy and I've yet to see a picture of him anywhere without his shirt on...Believe me, I've looked for one! (there I go being creepy) Anyway, here's the email I shared with him last night: 



(Keep in mind that I have never spoken to this person before, ever.)
Received: May 25, 2011

"I would adore you like no other could. I challenge you to test that. My fiancé loved me soooooooo much because I adored being with her and fixed her hair in the morning on weekends. She found out she had breast cancer so we did the radiation and kemo thing and it didn't help at all. When the doctor told her she had a year to live she loved me so much she left cause she couldn't stand the pain on my face I felt for her. I'm not conceded but I know I'm a catch because my last love showed me I was. Sad story but true. Saddest thing is she's 3-."



Aw, I kind a feel bad for the guy having lost his finace and all...but seriously, does my hair look so bad that he thinks I'd need him to fix it for me? Ever?  And there is such a thing is too much information too soon...This one is definatley CREEPERS!  I wonder if you can guess which picture above goes with this email??

One of the strangest ones I got has already been deleted, but in it, the much-older man tried to grab my attention by telling me a midieval tale of knights and castles and kings and  horses...He even said my red hair and turquoise necklace were "beacons indeed."  Creepy.

Some guys try to be witty.  They google my screen name: "Cinnamon Girl"   and then copy and paste the lyrics to the song in an email, as if I've never heard the song...or maybe they think if they send me the lyrics, I'll believe they actually know who Neil Young is?  One guy actually asked me if I knew Neil Young wrote a song, "about me."  Thinking he was being charming, I responded that it seems as though Neil has written a bunch of songs about me.  His response?  Explaining to me who Neil Young is and that it would be super cool if that were really where I came up with my screen name....Ugh...

It's all entertainment, right?

I'm on my way out the door to dinner with some friends, but I'm not finished here...There's so much more I can tell you!